Why am I here?

"God's only going to knock so many times before you realize there's something you should do."

-- Haden McWhorter, whose mom and wife died of breast cancer. Haden was the honorary co- survivor at the Nashville, Tenn., Survivor's Celebration dinner, Oct. 03, 2008. Tomorrow, he leads the Three Miles of Men to support participants in the Komen for the Cure race.

My family and I arrive to this dinner tonight, and I wonder what I am doing here. Not because I'm not a survivor, but I wonder for the first time what the purpose is of this journey.

I think to myself, "Why am I doing this? Why am I here?"

I am so tired. I have traveled the past three weekends, and still have two more races after tomorrow. My body has been shut down since the day I left Shreveport, La., Sept. 21, after its Komen race.

I don't feel I've recovered. And I am absolutely dragging.

I realize this is not about me. I realize this is about those who have died, about those who have survived. But I do wonder what difference I am actually making by running these races.

My body is worn.

I could fall asleep at any given moment during any time of the day.

So, as I sit with breast cancer survivors tonight, with my mind wandering and my eyes filling with tears from stories of survivors, I wonder what I'm doing.

And then Haden spoke. And shut me up.